“Your capacity to regulate emotions,” says David Rock “is absolutely essential to success in life.” Managing our emotions is crucial because it allows us to use our brain more efficiently. When our limbic system, also known as the emotional brain, is overly aroused, it de-activates our prefrontal cortex which handles higher order thinking such as analysis, complex problem solving, organizing, and prioritizing. Compared to the limbic system, the prefrontal cortex is a small, fragile, energy-hungry region. This means that experiencing strong negative emotions at work, for example, significantly diminishes our capacity for staying focused and our problem solving abilities.

Your limbic system is continually on the lookout for any threats, and it gets overly aroused when it perceives a threat. Understanding these threats can help you cope with them on a personal level, and minimize their occurrence for those you lead. Social neuroscientists have discovered five major threats and rewards that drive all of our behaviors. David Rock describes these five, which he dubbed as the SCARF Model, in his book: Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. You can also view a fascinating video-taped lecture the author delivered, at Google, on the subject.

SCARF is an acronym for:

Status (where you feel you stand in the pecking order)

Certainty (your perception of how well you can predict the future)

Autonomy (a feeling that you have choices)

Relatedness (feeling safe with others; feeling a sense of trust)

Fairness (a feeling of fair exchanges and fair connections with others)

When these five social domains are not threatened, we experience a reward and it makes us more productive and able to do good work. Conversely, when they are missing, we experience a threat response. The threat response activates our limbic system which at the same time deactivates the prefrontal cortex and this has a strong impact on our ability to do our best work. How can you use this information on how your brain works to be a better leader? Here are some tips:

1. Develop strategies for managing your negative emotions. Suppressing negative emotions, commonly known as keeping a stiff upper lip, doesn’t work as it doesn’t dampen the activity in the emotional brain. Expressing the negative emotions doesn’t work either as it is not always appropriate and can cause collateral damage to the relationship.

A better way is a strategy called “cognitive reappraisal” pioneered by James. J. Gross, editor of Handbook of Emotion Regulation. First, you briefly label the emotion—for example, “I am getting angry.” Then, immediately re-appraise your perception of the aversive situation in more positive terms in order to lessen its emotional punch. Colloquially, this is another way of saying: “Look on the bright side.” So, for example, instead of dwelling on: “This is the second time he submits a report with errors in it,”immediately reframe your thinking with: “This is an opportunity for me to show leadership qualities and coach this person to improve and grow.” It doesn’t matter whether this is an objective re-appraisal or not—Gross has shown that the action of re-appraising can profoundly affect the quality (which emotion) and the quantity (the intensity of the emotion) of the subsequent emotional response.

Practicing cognitive reappraisal is a way of training yourself to catch the small droplets before they become a flood. Use it as a tool to help you stay cool under fire. Remember that all of this is in order to dampen the activity in your limbic system so that it doesn’t deactivate your prefrontal cortex and allows you to focus on problem solving, productivity, innovation—in short, on what matters.

2. Give your people more access to your boss. Consider that people like to know that their boss’s boss knows the great contributions they made to a project or the significant effort they made in writing a report that does not bear their name. Knowing that their leader is representing them well to upper management increases a person’s sense of status and is a high-octane motivator. It also engenders fierce loyalty.

3. Handle the annual employee performance review as a fragile object. While these reviews may be necessary, consider that they are a form of mild torture for those undergoing an evaluation because “feedback” on one’s performance unless handled with the utmost of fairness and authenticity, ends up being a threat to an individual’s sense of worth. Much misery and wasted intellectual resource have been the by-product of the dreaded annual review.

4. Share knowledge and information. If you habitually hold meetings behind closed doors, think about how constituents on the other side of the door might feel. Being in on things is shown to be a prime motivator for employees: it’s a status enhancer. Knowing what’s going on makes people feel like they are a part of the family rather than hired hands.

5. Create an even playing field for everyone. While it’s natural that there will be some members of your team that you might favor over others, catch yourself if you unwittingly play favorites. Constituents’ radar detector is highly tuned to notice such occurrences that may tap into their sense of unfairness and status.

6. Hire positive people. Consider the cost in productivity and loss of focus that negative people cause in the workplace. Heed those words from research conducted by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton who state that: “Where productivity is concerned, it would be better for organizations if people who are negative stayed home.”

7. Make people feel safe by establishing a culture of trust. If one wants to crack the code that will dramatically increase collaboration and productivity by managing negative emotions in the workplace, one needs to start with the trust factor. This taps into “relatedness”—feeling safe with others. The trust factor is all about individual behaviors and it applies to everyone on the team. Do individuals behave in a trustworthy manner or not? There is only a pass or fail. And what are these behaviors? We all instinctively know them but sometimes, we need to remind ourselves, and each other, of what they are. Ask yourself:

* Do I share information that I know is helpful to others or do I withhold it?
* Do I treat everyone with grace? Grace is a disposition of kindness and compassion.
* Do I practice benevolence in my dealings with others? Benevolence is a disposition to do good.
* Do I follow through on my commitments, even if it is at considerable personal expense?
* Do I seize opportunities to encourage others?
* Am I just as happy about others’ achievements as I am of my own?
* Do I strive to consistently deliver work that is exceedingly great?

8. Sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Consider that the most time-consuming problems you deal with at work may very well be people related rather than technical issues. People issues become insidious energy bandits, if we don’t manage them well. It’s advantageous to increase your ability to negotiate and resolve disagreements and de-escalate conflict so that people can perform at higher levels and achieve results. Attending conflict resolution training pays dividends.

Keeping the SCARF model in mind and reminding yourself that every day behavior at work is governed by the overriding principle of minimizing threat and maximizing reward is a powerful tool in your arsenal as a leader. There is a saying that goes: “The successful man is the average man focused.” Knowing how the brain functions and using this information to regulate your own emotions and those of others is the quickest path for staying focused and improving mental performance for yourself and your team. It’s a smart move.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

I once worked for a technology company that encouraged employees to practice what they called “Intelligent Disobedience.” The concept originates from Seeing Eye dogs: while dogs must learn to obey the commands of a blind person, they must also know when they need to disobey commands that can put the owner in harm’s way, such as when a car is approaching.

Intelligent disobedience is not about setting out to be disagreeable or arbitrarily disobeying rules for its own sake. Rather, it is about using your judgment to decide when, for example, an established rule actually hinders your organization, rather than helps it. The antonym of intelligent disobedience is blind conformity. Conformity smoothes our day’s journey at work. Conformity, however, can have its downsides. It saps creativity for one, and it is, in John F. Kennedy’s parlance, “the enemy of growth.”

Here are some ideas to inspire you and others in your team to establish a culture that values intelligent disobedience:

Consider the benefits of decentralizing some of the decision-making in your unit. If you are used to making all the decisions, allow those closest to the customer the flexibility to make appropriate decisions on the spot, as for example, to right a wrong, even if the decision is contrary to some established rule of the organization. This places the value where it should be—on customer satisfaction rather than on lockstep adherence to the process—but it also places value on team members by giving them the authority to bend the rules when necessary.

Don’t surround yourself with yes-men. Ponder the words of Barry Rand of Xerox, quoted in Colin Powell’s A Leadership Primer: “. . . if you have a yes-man working for you, one of you is redundant.”

Beware of naysayers. Consider the source of those who vigorously advise you against a change initiative. Sharpen your social and organizational awareness skills by carefully analyzing what their self-interest might be. In this regard, take a page from Guy Kawasaki’s Rules for Revolutionaries: The Capitalist Manifesto for Creating and Marketing New Products and Services: “The status quo will always try to shoot down a good idea, especially if it threatens their position.”

Don’t take expert opinion as the final word. If your own experience or knowledge tells you otherwise, don’t automatically silence your inner voice because it is drowned by the din of the expert crowd. Above all, spend the time to glean the experts from the quasi-experts in your field.

Catch yourself if you habitually insist on “going by the book.” Ask yourself: Is this necessary for every issue? Might you enhance your team’s productivity if you paid more attention to the restraining effect that this could have on the people involved? What would happen if you built some elasticity in your rules, if you allowed others to apply standard procedures more flexibly?

Become aware of your mental scripts. In Everyday Survival: Why Smart People do Stupid Things, Laurence Gonzales talks about the dumb mistakes we make when we work from a mental script that does not match the requirements of the real-world situation. Mental scripts are our conditioned responses to various situations. Mental scripts push us, for example, to stubbornly cling to the notion that “this is how we have always done it”, refusing to accept the realities of a new situation. So we find ourselves mistakenly generalizing into the future whatever worked in the past—this is a slippery path.

Help your people distinguish between fact and conjecture. Conjecture can be influenced by mental scripts which don’t have a bearing on current reality. Be the voice in the room that calls others’ attention to this possibility, and help everyone pause so that they can analyze inferences and conjectures that may or may not be valid.

Examine your reaction when confronted with new ideas. Seth Godin compiled a list of responses to actual good ideas. If any of these describe some of your habitual responses, consider how you might practice being more receptive to others’ notions. Defending the status quo is a sure-fire way to extinguish the spark of new ideas in your group.

Establish a culture that values common sense over bureaucracy. Encourage everyone on your team to cast a critical eye on all procedures, practices and policies in their area. Which ones are no longer relevant? Which ones impede or delay the flow of critical information? Which ones cause make-shift work? Which ones are plain dumb? Which traditions have petrified?

Get comfortable saying no. Intelligent disobedience also involves having the ability to say no. If you struggle with this, read The Power of a Positive No: Save the Deal, Save the Relationship and Still Say No. In the book, William Ury, outlines how to master the art of delivering what he calls “a positive No.” This is a powerful three-step process of marrying a No with a Yes:

1) Yes! (Becoming conscious of the positive foundation for your No, e.g. core interests or values)
2) No. (Respectfully explaining your No, linking it to your positive foundation)
3) Yes? (Having a plan B, i.e. another positive outcome for the other party)

Make it safe for people to push back. This provides a platform from which people can rise and develop, and is also the mark of a confident leader who has the maturity to know that he or she cannot possibly have all the right answers. Allow others to connect the dots their own way.

Be aware of mind traps that lead to blind conformity. Mind traps act as mental straight-jackets, preventing you from thinking creatively and rationally. These include, for example, the “herd instinct”, i.e. relying on the fact that “everybody else is doing it.” Here is a compiled list of the ten most common thinking traps.

Question the blind assumptions that can hurt your business. In Rules to Break and Laws to Follow: How Your Business Can Beat the Crisis of Short-Termism (Microsoft Executive Leadership Series), the authors expose three false assumptions about how a business creates value—these are, among the rules to consider breaking:

1) The best measure of success for your business is current sales and profit
2) With the right sales and marketing effort, you can always get more customers
3) Company value is created by offering differentiated products and services

Reconsider your need for harmony at the expense of progress. We are often reticent to challenge the process for fear of disquieting others who resist change. A component of emotional intelligence is the ability to be a change catalyst: to build the courage to champion change despite opposition.

Become aware of your three most rigidly-held beliefs. Write them down. Explore what cognitive shifts you can make to soften your position on these. Think of the emotions that drive these beliefs. Could some of them be motivated by fear? What might these unbendable beliefs prevent you from achieving?

The well-beaten path may be comfortable because it allows us to move along, without having to exert much effort, but it is the path that ultimately leads to mediocrity. As Emerson said, long ago, “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.” If you are a leader in charge of others, allow space for them to leave their own footprints.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

George Bernard Shaw said: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.” Nowhere is this statement more applicable than when considering the issue of introverts and extraverts communicating in the workplace. Each of these two solitudes faces particular challenges and the entire communication process can be emotionally draining for both groups. Following are some pointers for emotionally-intelligent communication:

Tips for Extraverted Leaders:

1. Be concise. Every gift, taken to extreme, can be a liability: understand that while you are invigorated by talking, are energized by interruptions and enjoy thinking out loud, taken to the extreme, this may be experienced as overbearing and overpowering.

2. Circulate information ahead of a meeting. Provide as much written information as is feasible before a meeting so that introverted team members have a chance to reflect on the material in order to give you their best thinking.

3. Don’t expect immediate decisions. Understand that pressuring introverted team members to come up with a decision on the spot may likely result in a decision that they don’t fully buy-in. The time you saved upfront will come to haunt you downstream.

4. Allow silence its moment. A common complaint of introverts about extraverts is about their listening skills, in particular, their rush to fill the silence. Practice self-management by valuing pauses which allow the real conversation to be heard. To that end, watch Tom Peters’ provocative video clip on strategic listening and see if you are an 18 second manager.

5. Don’t wait for introverts to offer opinions. Instead, ask them. Introverts generally dislike having the light shining on them. Know when it is more fruitful to meet one-on-one rather than in a public forum.

6. Respect introverts’ need for privacy. Practicing good social awareness skills entails understanding that extended extraverted activities can be draining for introverts. The American Journal of Psychiatry reported on a fascinating study showing that introversion (as well as extraversion) may be hardwired and controlled by certain neurotransmitters: introverts, unlike extraverts, have a low tolerance for dopamine, a transmitter linked to thrill seeking, which increases their need for time alone. An explanation of these research findings can be found in The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.

Tips for Introverted Leaders:

1. Give visual clues when listening.  While introverts are often better listeners, their expressions may sometimes give the impression that they lack interest or involvement in the topic being discussed. At the extreme, they may even inadvertently appear to dislike the speaker. Remedy this with simple things like a nod, a smile and leaning forward — micro gestures that go a long way to signal to others that they are indeed being heard.

2. Invest time to raise your comfort level for public speaking. If public speaking ranks among one of your top dreads, resolve to conquer this. Developing the ability to stand up in front of an audience to deliver an engaging presentation is a strategic imperative. Lee Iacocca once said: “You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.” Develop the skills to help you share your brilliance with a wide audience.

3. Beware of voids created by non-communication. A void will be quickly filled by rumors, misinterpretations, and grapevine musings. Take the initiative to share information. Be inspired by Seth Godin’s exhortation that “the less people know, the more they yell” and make sure that you communicate early and often.

4. Provide timely feedback. Consider voicing your opinions sooner. Providing critical feedback once a project is well underway can frustrate or de-motivate others on the team.

5. Learn the art of small talk.  If this is not a preferred activity for you, consider that small talk is the oil that lubricates relationships and paves the way for more important discussions. For pointers on mastering this social ritual, read Guy Kawasaki’s article on The Art of Schmoozing II. Just as being in the presence of an overly gregarious extravert may make an introvert feel uncomfortable, so sharing space with an individual who appears impassive may make an extraverted person feel ill at ease.

6. Share some personal information with a greater number of people. This helps more people know you better and increases the level of trust. Transparency strengthens our connections to others.

There are many gifts that each group brings to the table. Introverts and extraverts form a beautiful palette of diversity if we are willing to capitalize on each other’s strengths. And the quickest path to reach this is through emotionally-intelligent communication.

My article was  posted on American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

See if you can watch this popular video clip without feeling good. It’s almost impossible not to be influenced by the joyful emotions we are witnessing. Brain scientists have proven what we have sensed intuitively: that emotions are contagious. They infect not only individuals but entire groups.

While both positive and negative emotions are contagious, negative ones spread even faster than positive ones. This has important implications for both our personal and organizational well-being.

One of the researchers in this area is Dr. Sigal Barsade of the Wharton School of The University of Pennsylvania. She states that if people ‘catch’ each other’s emotions, then this can “influence their decisions accordingly.” This can be problematic, however, if people are not aware that the mood they are in, or the subsequent actions, originated from someone else’s emotions.

Nowhere is this potentially more detrimental than in a work team because unwarranted anxiety or worry, started by one or two individuals, can have a ripple effect on the entire team and influence their collective behavior.The same can be said of the negative disposition of one person in a team which can spread like a virus. We have all experienced how one malcontent person can dampen the spirit of everyone else in the group.

While developing total immunity against emotional contagion is achieved by monks in Tibet, here are some things the rest of us can do to short-circuit its potentially disruptive effect on ourselves and others in our environment:

1. If you are a leader, consider that managing your moods is one of your chief responsibilities. You are a “walking mood inductor” and your subordinates are “receptors.”Your mood impacts how they feel, and, consequently, how they perform. Take a page from Charles M. Schwab who said: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.”

2. Set a positive mood in a meeting. Meetings can be cauldrons of emotion—the mood in the meeting can have an impact on what does or doesn’t get discussed, and on how it is discussed, and consequently, on what is accomplished. If you are a leader, you control the dimmer switch of performance. People are continually watching you for cues on which way the wind is blowing.

3. Create a Stop Doing List. I borrowed from Jim Collins’s Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … and Others Don’t, a Stop Doing List is useful in minimizing stress that affects our mood. Those who built companies that went from ‘good to great’ displayed a remarkable discipline “to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk.”

4. Raise your awareness of your moods. Self-awareness precedes self-management. Researchers tell us that recognizing emotions and acknowledging their cause can be one way to avoid spreading emotional contagion. Stop yourself in your tracks and ask yourself: Am I being excessively negative or judgmental? Am I being impatient with others? Is my tone dismissive?

If, on some occasions, it is particularly difficult to snap out of a bad mood, just be upfront: “I am not in a good mood right now; can we meet this afternoon?” Most people appreciate the raw honesty of this statement. Going into self-imposed quarantine for an hour or two is not only a graceful thing to do, but it is also an emotionally-intelligent choice.

5. Eliminate your energy drainers. Are these among the offenders that may cause you stress: internalizing others’ criticism, fragmented boundaries, power struggles, unprotected personal time, useless networking, and continuous one-way favors? What can you do to address these and other drainers? What can you eliminate to make room for what energizes you and keeps you focused on what matters?

6. Focus on what you do best. We are prone to stress and perpetual bad moods when we are fragmented in our approach. If business strategy is a cause of your stress, consider reading Profit from the Core: A Return to Growth in Turbulent Times by Chris Zook et al. The book shows you how focusing on your core business—that which you do best—is the most efficient way to bring about long-term growth and profit.

By refocusing on what you do best, the authors advise, it will also be easier to spot inefficiencies that drain your business. The same applies to our personal life: if we don’t narrow down our activities to a fundamental core from which we can grow, setting meaningful goals becomes much harder.

7. Be skeptical of self-evaluations when you are not in a good mood. Charles Horton Cooley shared these words of wisdom: “One should never criticize his own work except in a fresh and hopeful mood.” We lose our objectivity when we view things through the dark prism of a bad mood.

8. Be aware of the P/N ratio. This measures the instance of positive incidents (e.g. “This was a brilliant idea”) vs. negative incidents (e.g. “I am disappointed with the quality of your report.”) Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and mathematician Marcial Losada discovered that teams that have a positivity ratio greater than 3:1 were much more productive than teams that had a lower positivity ratio. (There is also an upper P/N ratio limit of 13:1 at which point performance worsens as the ratio of positive to negative is then perceived as too Pollyannaish.)

Fredrickson’s and Losada’s work builds on the research of John Gottman, a psychologist, who had earlier discovered the “magic ratio” of 5:1 essential for successful marriages. He was able to predict with 94% accuracy the couples that would end up divorcing.You can test your own positivity ratio by taking the free positivity ratio test here.

9. Be mindful of the connection between a good mood and creativity. Adam Anderson, of the University of Toronto researched the effect of moods on creativity and found that a good mood enhances our ability to think laterally. “You can actually put people into a more creative mindset by putting them in a positive mood.”

Consider this the next time you go into a brainstorming session. If you are not in a good mood, try the advice from mood experts: for example, listening to upbeat music; it takes milliseconds for music to affect our mood. Or spend a few moments to reflect on things that you appreciate in your life.

10. Be vigilant of emotional contagion of front line employees who interface with customers. Studies have shown that emotional contagion between customers and employees influence the customer’s attitude towards product and intention to repurchase. To generate positive customer emotions, employees must create and display genuine positive emotions themselves.

11. Re-evaluate your email before hitting the send button. This oft-heard advice bears repeating. Bad moods can be transmitted as loud and clear electronically as they are face to face. Just as we can’t unring a bell, we cannot retrieve a hastily sent email that will be a permanent, digital reminder of your bad mood.

12. Don’t let others contaminate you with their moods. Someone once said: “Moods should be heard but never danced to.”While this is not a cake walk, it is not impossible either. It takes self-determination and strength of will to resolve to maintain your emotional freedom no matter what is going on around you.

Emotions are often described as “energy in motion.” Audit your moods and ask yourself if you generate positive energy for those around you. If not, resolve to change this. Your mood, whether positive or negative, can linger long after you leave a room. And the mood generated is directly related to how you made people feel. Maya Angelou said it right: “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

My article was first posted on American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

There is a scene in the movie “The Hustler”, where Fast Eddie, played by Paul Newman, says: “It’s a great feeling, boy, it’s a real great feeling when you’re right and you KNOW you’re right. It’s like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. The pool cue is a part of me. . . you don’t have to look, you just KNOW. You make shots that nobody’s ever made before.”   What the character is describing is being in a state of flow – that enthralled state, when your level of skill matches the level of the challenge.  You become so engrossed in what you do that you forget to eat.  You escape time. We’ve all been there. It’s what athletes call “being in the zone”, what musicians refer to as “being in the groove”.

The concept of flow is the brainchild of psychologist Mihali Csikszentmihalyi. In an interesting talk a few years ago, on TED.com, Csikszentmihalyi talks about the concept of flow and about his more recent book, Good Business: Flow and the Making of Meaning. In it he writes that success is being involved in an endeavor that helps others and, at the same time, makes you feel happy.  You can’t have just one of these things to be successful.   As an inspiring example of flow in an organization he cites the vision of Masaru Ibuka, the co-founder of Sony: “To establish a place of work where engineers can feel the joy of technological innovation, be aware of their mission to society, and work to their heart’s content.”

The literature on how to find happiness is abundant, especially so in the last few years.  Perhaps one of the key components of happiness, is precisely the flow prescription Csikszentmihalyi gives us as a result of his massive research on what makes our life meaningful, on what helps us experience those “best moments,” which usually happen when we are physically or intellectually stretched to our limits “in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

How can we help ourselves achieve the coveted state of flow?  Here are ten tips for harnessing this psychic energy:

1. Forget about multitasking. Constant multitasking, this modern-day malaise, is the enemy of flow. A 2006 Time Magazine article by Claudia Wallis and Sonja Steptoe cites several studies that show that interruptions at the beginning and the end of a task are most detrimental to performance.  “Some of the world’s most creative and productive individuals simply refuse to subject their brains to excess data streams.” A large number of Winners of MacArthur genius grants share a striking similarity: they turn off their cell phones and iPods during transit time and devote that time to thinking.

2. Know that flow is an inside job. Wean yourself away from dependency on others’ approval and set your own inner standards of excellence.

3. Be crystal clear about what you want to accomplish and develop a single-purpose focus. Having a laser-like focus of attention on what matters most is a hallmark of successful people. Take a page from people like Eric Schmidt, Google’s CEO, who said:  “I keep things focused. The speech I give every day is: ‘This is what we do. Is what we are doing consistent with that, and can it change the world?’”

4. Set micro milestones and celebrate small wins. At the outset of a project, set the smallest of milestones and celebrate all the small accomplishments along the way. In his most recent video clip, Tom Peters explains the crucial importance of this practice for energizing yourself and others.

5. Do whatever it takes to sharpen your skills. When the skill set is not adequate for the challenge of the task, we move away from flow and experience anxiety, a flow killer.  It pays to devote maximum time to hone our skills for whatever it is we are undertaking.

6. Work on reducing your stress level. This will increase your chances of experiencing a flow state.  A useful tool to consider is Heart Math’s em Wave.  This is a scientifically validated software program that shows you in real time the effect of your thoughts and emotions on your heart rhythm. It helps you train your brain to release stress which in turn will improve your ability to focus, a prerequisite for the flow state.

7. Cultivate mastery. Mastery is a desire to surpass oneself, always striving to improve and rise above mere adequacy. Take an inspiration from the late Dr. George Leonard, the foremost expert on the subject of mastery. His research has isolated five keys to mastery:  1. Surrender to your passion. Mastery is a journey of joy and being willing to see how far you can go is a self-surpassing quality.  2. Practice, Practice, Practice. This will make you good at anything you undertake.  3. Get a Guide:  Don’t practice wrong. 4. Visualize the outcome. Visualize it vividly and in detail to make it real and present in your consciousness.  5. Play the Edge: Go a bit further than you have gone before and maybe a little further than anyone else has gone before.

8. Practice leadership Aikido. If you are a leader, derive some inspiration from Eastern philosophies of management by considering the practice of Aikido in the context of leadership. The term Aikido roughly translates “as the way of the harmonious spirit”. It refers to the non-combative martial art in Japan. In his book, Leadership Aikido:  6 Business Practices that Can Turn Your Life Around, John O’Neil, shows how we can achieve inner calm and blend energy with a competitor to move us forward. The three-pronged strategy of adaptability, flexibility and partnership is an unbeatable combination of personal mastery.

9. If you are in charge of others, set the conditions for them to experience flow in the workplace.  Be particularly vigilant against boredom experienced by your people. Since we experience boredom when our skill set is higher than the challenge, find ways to enrich others’ job.  While all jobs have routine components, know the percentage of time that people spend in that draining zone and look for means to increase their challenge. Incorporate the prescribed practices for increasing flow:  Establish clear goals, especially short-term ones, set unequivocal expectations, give people control over the task, and, above all, give your people immediate feedback on how they are doing.  All of these practices set the stage for creating flow experiences. Not only is it a benevolent initiative but it is a smart thing to do as it will increase the engagement of your people.

10. Get absorbed in something that is bigger than you.  If you have limited control over the kind of work you are involved in, use some of your discretionary time to get interested in noble causes, pursuits that contribute something beneficial to society.  Bertrand Russell said that the quickest way to make ourselves miserable is to focus on ourselves all the time.  It was his love of mathematics that kept him energized.

The characteristic signs of being in a state of flow are that we feel joyful – even ecstatic – totally absorbed, and devoid of stress while using our skills to the utmost for the greater good. This is a mental state worth cultivating.

For more information on mastery, read my book: The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow.

My article was first posted in American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.” This is empathy. Not an easy undertaking, even though scientists have now proven that we are indeed wired for empathy. In this fascinating video by Nova Science, we see how mirror neurons, also dubbed Gandhi’s neurons, act as a “neurological Wi-Fi” to help us connect with other people’s feelings.

Almost one hundred years after Henry Ford’s pronouncement, Dave Patnaik, in Wired to Care: How Companies Prosper When They Create Widespread Empathy shows how a variety of global successful organizations, from Nike to Harley Davidson, benefit from integrating empathy for the consumer as an integral part of their culture.

Empathy is our ability to recognize and identify with the concerns other people have. In short, it is our capacity to care for others besides ourselves. Not only does the ability to empathize make us more successful in our professional and personal lives, but it is also the decent thing to do. It’s the path of the mensch.

With our overloaded psyche and our fast-paced lives, our empathy skills can become corroded. How do we practice empathy? Here are a few pointers:

1. Don’t Take for Granted the Most Important People in Your Life. Is your unwavering focus on the finish line causing you to unintentionally neglect your family’s emotional needs? If so, you might derive inspiration from the poignant words of Brian G. Dyson, a former CEO of Coca-Cola: “Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them-work, family, health, friends, and spirit-and you are keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls-family, health, friends, and spirit-are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.”

2. Understand this Universal Human Fear. A fundamental fear experienced by most is the hidden fear of not measuring up. Recognize this and do your part to genuinely make those in your circle of influence feel that they are enough. It’s a powerful act of interpersonal philanthropy.

3. Cultivate an Executive Presence. Much has been written about what executive presence is but one thing is certain: those who possess it have “social generosity.” We invariably walk away from them feeling energized and better about ourselves. This is because they have empathy, the quality that makes them sense our need to feel important. They see us not as we are, but as who we could become. Simply put, they care about how we feel. What a wonderful gift it is, to be able to bestow this on those we encounter. One could argue that it is indeed impossible to have executive presence without empathy because a major requirement for executive presence is the ability to connect with others.

4. Stop Negative Listening Habits. Adele Lynn isolated six negative listening habits, including the Rebuttal Maker (listening long enough to formulate his rebuttal), the Advice Giver (jumping too quickly to give unsolicited advice), the Interrupter (more anxious to speak his words than to listen), the Logical Listener (rarely asking about the underlying feelings or emotions attached to a message), the Happy Hooker (using the speaker’s words only as a way to get to his own message: “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened to me”), and perhaps the worst of all, the Faker (pretending to listen). Do you inadvertently fall into any of these poor listening habits? Self-awareness precedes self-management. Making someone feel that they are truly listened to is the most foundational aspect of empathy.

5. Beware of the Pygmalion Effect. How you persistently view someone that you closely interact with can have an effect on how they perform—a self-fulfilling prophecy. People are very good at sensing how we view them. We translate this through a multitude of micro gestures: frequently checking email while they talk to us, picking up the phone when they enter our office, or looking away when they speak at meetings. All of these seemingly insignificant gestures are posters with a clear message: you are not important. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and try to experience what that must feel like. Developing empathy involves putting our foot on the brake for a moment to ponder such issues. Our First Nations people have a beautiful saying for empathy—it is: “Walk a mile in my moccasins.”

Empathy helps us forge positive connections with others. It’s a state of mind and a way of being that act as a catalyst to help us create positive communities for the greater good.

My article was first posted on American Express Forum. For more tips on practicing empathy, read my book: The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to follow.

Here are my thoughts on how to be a Mensch in 2010. I hope they inspire you in your life’s journey.

I am blessed that Guy Kawasaki posted my article in his American Express Open Forum site and that so many of Guy’s followers tweeted the article to their network. We need to spread the concept of being a mensch far and wide for a kinder and better world.

1. Give people gifts whose value is beyond price. This means giving someone a second chance, giving someone the benefit of the doubt and giving others a reason to want to work for you besides earning a living. It entails giving others latitude, permission to make mistakes and all the information that they need to do the job. It means giving them the authority that goes with that responsibility and giving them due credit for their ideas.

2. Resolve to become known as a talent hunter. The biggest hunger in anyone’s eyes is the hunger for appreciation. Genuinely acknowledging others is high octane fuel for the soul.

3. Share ideas and information that can enrich others. To that end, derive inspiration from Charles Leadbeater’s words: “In the past, you were what you owned. Now you are what you share.”

4. Spend more time in that wonderful space of the ‘beginner’s mind’. This means replacing “Been there, done that”, with: “Tell me more.” It translates into moving away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. It’s forgetting about being perfect and enjoying being in the moment.

5. Don’t tell people what they can’t do. Show them what they can do. If some of your habitual phrases are “Let me explain why that won’t work” Or “Let me be Devil’s Advocate for a minute”, read Tom Kelley’s book: The Ten Faces of Innovation: Ideo’s Strategies for Beating the Devil’s Advocate & Driving Creativity Throughout Your Organization.

6. Minimize the space you take up. When you enter a crowded coffee shop with a partner, don’t hog two tables to spread your papers around.It’s a form of theft.

7. Become a relationship anthropologist. Know the difference between a conversation and a discussion. A discussion involves issues or right vs. wrong; it is an exchange of facts, opinions and data. A conversation is an exploration of another person for the sole purpose of learning about them.

8. Be happy for others. The exact opposite of the word envy is farginen. It’s what happens when you celebrate others’ accomplishments as you would celebrate your own. Take a moment to absorb the spiritual beauty of this concept by viewing this video clip that explains Generosity of Spirit.

9. View all promises you made in 2009 as an unpaid debt. Promises imply trust, but trust is fragile. It’s like a Christmas tree ornament—one slip can shatter it. And we all know that once it’s shattered, it’s very difficult to restore.

10. Get rid of one of the biggest clutters in our lives: Grudges for real or imaginary slights. Raise the bar on your own behavior by forgiving and moving on.

11. Help others caress the rainbow. This means show them how to have hope. There is a tremendous positive psychological capital in us if we intentionally resolve to tap into it to help others.

12. Be conscious of how others feel about themselves when they are in your presence. We cannot control everyone liking us, but we can control how others feel when they interact with us. After spending time with you, do others feel better about themselves?

(For more tips on how to be a Mensch, see my book, The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow)

“I swear by Apollo”… so starts the Oath of Hippocrates, an oath of ethical, professional behavior sworn by all new physicians – a promise to practice good medicine to the best of their ability, for the good of their patients. It essentially boils down to a commitment to “do no harm”. Wouldn’t it be great to have such an oath for leaders – an oath of personal accountability, not just for business outcomes and for leading others, but for leading oneself. I am reminded of the proverb “Physician, heal thyself”, suggesting that one should take care of one’s own faults first before correcting the faults of others – so I add to the above: Leader, lead thyself.

Any nuts-and-bolts leadership primer will explain that one of the key leadership competencies is holding others accountable. This entails, among other things, setting clear expectations and guidelines, clearly communicating goals and objectives, following up to ensure fulfillment of responsibilities, providing feedback on performance, coaching those whose performance is not up to par and, finally, taking any necessary corrective action. But a leader cannot expect to hold others accountable successfully if they are not holding themselves accountable first.

While this is an important dimension of leadership, it is easy to slip, when it comes to accountability for our own behavior. This can happen even to leaders who do a great job at holding themselves accountable for the big ticket items such as driving for results, whether in sales, operations, marketing or financing, identifying root causes for business problems, developing a vision and strategy and managing resources effectively.

Let’s clarify something before we proceed: no leader worth his salt wakes up in the morning deciding that he or she is not going to be accountable today. No one wants to do a bad job. But things happen during the course of the day that can divert the best of us from our good intentions and more often than not, it is unintentional, personal “slips”. It is about these seemingly innocuous personal slips that I want to talk. They take many, subtle forms. Let’s explore a few of the garden-variety ones:

• You have a chronic problem employee but you don’t make the tough decision to let the individual go, because you want to be a nice person. Instead, after much deliberation and agony, you decide to transfer the person to another department – essentially moving the problem to another part of the company and hoping it goes away. Deep down, your intuition is whispering to you that the problem has not been solved but, in your elation at having found the solution to a nagging problem, you hush your intuition. You come to the office the next day, with a spring in your step and a song in your heart – relieved at having shed a burden.

• A senior member of your team has a habit of treating less influential ones very poorly in meetings, interrupting them, discounting their contributions and generally exhibiting poster-like bad behavior. It mortifies the recipients, embarrasses other team members and even bothers you. Again, though, because you value harmony and hate confrontation of any kind, you choose to ignore the offending behavior and hope that it will stop on its own. The fact that the perpetuator is an aggressive, high achiever, successfully delivering results, makes it even harder for you to step up and do something.

•You have just announced the company’s drastic cost cutting measures and asked for everyone in your department to cooperate by eliminating all discretionary spending. You delivered a genuinely inspiring speech to your team and everyone is on board to make this work. Two days later, employees see a $1,000 chair delivered to your office – an earlier purchase you had genuinely forgotten to cancel. Others, of course, don’t judge us by our intentions – they only have the appearance of events to judge you by.

• A mistake was made, the ownership of which falls on several shoulders including yours. Driven by the anxiety and chaos that ensues, you minimize your role in the fracas, and even unwittingly suffer from temporary corporate amnesia, forgetting that you were fully briefed in advance. You set out to find a scapegoat, genuinely convincing yourself that it is surely their fault. This can easily happen in times of stress because, as a leader, you handle dozens of issues on a daily basis. However, others involved only handle a few issues and remember the course of events with laser-like precision.

Well, the list can go on. Some slips are due to personality preferences, others just from the sheer amount of work and stress that leaders often experience. The reasons are multiple and really not important. It’s the behaviors that are important.

They are all examples of behaviors you would not condone in others when you set out to hold them accountable. And as we all know, when there is a disparity between what you tell others to do and what you do yourself, people will believe your actions and not your words. The fallout of this scenario is an erosion of trust, one of the high prices we pay for lack of self-accountability.

Let’s also not neglect to mention that, as a leader, you sometimes have to take unpopular decisions and this can, by itself, elicit criticism. You are always in a fishbowl.

So what strategies can you adopt to be more careful, to be self-accountable – essentially to report to yourself?

1. Just as companies are rightfully concerned about how they are viewed by customers or shareholders, consider taking time to reflect on how your actions are viewed by all stakeholders: your direct reports, your peers, your clients. Go through a formal 360 Leadership Assessment process or simply get hold of a leadership assessment form and use it to reflect on how others in your team would rate you on each dimension.

For example: Puts the interests of the team before own interests; Shares credit for successes; Readily shares relevant information; Asks how am I doing; Treats others with respect regardless of their position; Fosters teamwork across all departments; Stands behind decisions made by the team; Provides honest feedback in a timely basis. Would others respond in this way about you?

2. At the end of each day, when you clear your desk before you head home, take a few short minutes to mentally go over your day. Think about significant conversations you held, meetings you attended, emails you sent and other actions you undertook.

Are you proud? Could you have done better? This will inspire you to plan your next day around your highest purpose. Getting into this habit of introspection will pay dividends in the long run.

3. Decide to hold yourself accountable for developing other leaders. By mentoring a protégé to enhance their personal and professional growth, you strengthen your own leadership skills and reinforce your determination to be self-accountable as you become the model.

4. When something goes wrong, look inwardly for solutions. It is especially in difficult times that our self-accountability is challenged. Martin Luther King said it poignantly: “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

5. When a mistake is made, do you ask: “Whose fault is it?” or do you say: “What can we learn from this?” or “What can I do to improve this situation?”

To that end, consider reading John G. Miller’s book: QBQ! The Question behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life. Reading the book inspires one to move away from the blame game we have all been tempted to play at one time or other and take ownership of issues.

6. Think about promises you make to new hires during the interviewing courtship period. In our zeal to want to attract the brightest and most talented, we can easily over promise. Keep a record of your interview notes and what you promised to candidates. If subsequent events make it impossible to keep the promises, at least you can address them with the individual. This is better than forgetting about them altogether.

7. What about promises you made to yourself? Write out your personal and professional goals with clear targets. Read them once a week. Are your day-to-day action aligned with your values, your standards, your philosophy of leading? What are your boundaries? Do you take measures to protect them? If your answers to these questions are negative, what is causing this? What insights does this give you? Use this information as a means to spur you to action rather than guilt.

8. Think about what you are avoiding doing. Moliere, 17th century French dramatist, said: “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.” Is there anything that you are avoiding doing that needs to be done? For example, are you putting off a difficult conversation? Are you delaying any important decisions? Are you delegating away responsibilities that should stay in your court?

Self-accountability, then, is staying true to ourselves despite difficult circumstances. It’s doing the right thing even when we are tempted to bend a few rules for expediency’s sake. Perhaps Deborah Lee put it best: “Self-accountability is who you are when no one is looking”. It’s also the best antidote to feeling victimized by circumstances and in so doing, frees up precious creative energy for us to accomplish what matters to us. Above all, it entails owning up to the consequences of our decisions and choices, because there is no choice without accountability.

Copyright © 2006-2009 by Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved. For further information on accountability, please read The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow.

There is a widely known psychological study conducted by Walter Mischel, a psychologist at Stanford University. Mischel wanted to study delayed gratification in four-year olds. One at a time, the children were seated in front of a marshmallow and the researcher told them that they could eat the marshmallow right then, but if they waited for the researcher to return from a brief errand, they would receive a second marshmallow. Some kids ate the marshmallow within seconds. But other children waited up to 20 minutes for the researcher to return. 14 years later, they found that the children who had delayed gratification were more trustworthy, more dependable, more self-reliant and confident than the children who had no impulse control. When I recounted this study in a workshop on emotional intelligence, a participant remarked that he wanted to try this experiment with his own child. I cautioned him, however, that there is a very important variable to take into account and that is, does the child trust that there will be a second marshmallow? If previous promises made to the child were broken, the child may not trust that, this time, the adult will keep a promise. Trust is largely an emotional act, based on an anticipation of reliance. It is fragile, like a Christmas tree ornament, and one slip can shatter it.

Trust pervades nearly every aspect of our daily lives. It is fundamental in the healthy functioning of all of our relationships with others. It is even tied to our wealth. In a Scientific American article, Dr. Paul J. Zak, a neuroeconomist at Claremont Graduate University, discovered that trust is among the strongest known predictors of a country’s wealth; nations with low levels tend to be poor. Dr. Zak’s model showed that societies with low levels of trust are poor because the inhabitants undertake too few of the long-term investments that create jobs and raise incomes. Such investments depend on mutual trust that both sides will fulfill their contractual obligations.

In seeking to understand what was physically going on in the human brain that instilled trust, he discovered that oxytocin, a hormone and neurotransmitter, increases our propensity to trust others in the absence of threatening signals. We are indeed wired to trust each other but, as Dr. Zak points out, our life experiences may ‘retune’ the oxytocin to a different “set point” and thus to different levels of trust throughout the course of life. When our experiences are predicated by a safe, nurturing and caring environment, our brains are stimulated to release more oxytocin when someone trusts us—and to reciprocate that trust. The obverse – situations that involve stress, uncertainty and isolation – interfere with the development of a trusting disposition and decrease the oxytocin levels.

In today’s uncertain climate, it is not surprising, then, that study after study shows a decline in the trust level individuals have of business and political leaders and institutions. The Edelman Trust Barometer for 2009 found that nearly two in three informed publics in 20 countries trust organizations less now than they did a year ago. A 2004 study by Towers Perrin, shows that only 44% of junior employees (those earning less than $50,000 per year) trust that their employer tells them the truth. This is an alarming statistic especially given how much time, effort and concern are expended in crafting leadership communications to employees.

Even though we are faced with a crisis in leadership trust, and have ample examples of leaders who eroded their employees’, customers’ and shareholders’ trust, I am a firm believer that the majority of leaders walk the path of trustworthiness. In fact, it can be harrowing for most leaders if they received feedback that others didn’t find them trustworthy. But being trustworthy, in someone’s eyes, is based on their perception and may be strongly influenced by the fracture of trust that they may have experienced in the world around them. Indeed, being trusted as a leader today is not axiomatic. Trust needs to be earned through diligence, fidelity and applied effort. Our trust thermostat has different settings for different people.

If lack of trust is an issue which causes you concern, what can you do to manage perceptions of trust in an unstable and slippery environment? Here are a few quick tips:

1. Monitor your use of “I” in your communications with your constituents. Do an audit of your emails, for example, and see how frequently you use “I” as opposed to “we”. Peter Drucker said: “The leaders who work most effectively, it seems to me, never say “I.” And that’s not because they have trained themselves not to say “I.” They don’t think “I.” They think “we”; they think “team.” They understand their job to be to make the team function. They accept responsibility and don’t sidestep it, but “we” gets the credit. This is what creates trust, what enables you to get the task done.”

2. View promises you make as an unpaid debt.

3. Know that in an era of virus scans, firewalls and anti-spyware, constituents will not automatically download your messages. A message will not be accepted if it’s not believable and believability hinges on congruity: is your message congruent with all of your other actions? For example, if you tell employees that quality is an important value in the organization but in a crisis situation, when a product has to go out the door to meet a client deadline, you find yourself forced to tell employees to cut corners at the expense of quality, the believability of subsequent messages about quality will be diluted.

4. Have a continuous conversation about what matters. Sixty percent of respondents in the Edelman Barometer of Trust said they need to hear a company message three to five times before they believe it. Perhaps Lewis Carol knew a thing or two when he said: “What I tell you three times is true.”

5. Your brand as a leader is your reputation. Like a haunting melody, it will follow you everywhere you go and in everything you do. Manage your brand, what you want to be known for, as diligently as Nike or Volvo manage theirs. Brand is trust.

6. Be known as a truth teller in your organization. I believe it was Peter Senge who said that we tell the truth in organizations up to the level of our paycheck, up to the level of our embarrassment. A leader I coached recently mentioned to me that, during a challenging time preceding an impending merger, he was troubled by employees asking for information that he was not at liberty to disclose at that time. What do you do in such a situation to preserve the trust you have with your constituent while honoring the confidentiality of sensitive information? An honest compromise would be to share what you can (there is always something we can share) and to add: “This is all I can share right now.” This preserves the trust as your people know that you did not lie, and, they understand that even though you have more information, strategic imperatives prevent you from sharing it just then.

7. Earn the faith of your customers by insisting on everyone observing the five pillars of trust : a) keep your promises; b) be willing to help; c) treat customers as individuals; d) make it easy for customers to do business with you; e) ensure all physical aspects of your product or service give a favorable impression. (Source: Winning Customers, by 1000 Ventures.)

8. As much as this is hard to do, don’t lead through email. Get out from behind your desk periodically and have face time with people. The more time you spend with people, the more the level of trust increases. If you are leading virtual teams, pick up the phone more often. The most powerful piece of communication technology is the human voice.

9. Do you manage your moods or do people experience you as agreeable one day and confrontational the next? Predictability engenders trust.

10. Are the corporate stories you tell consistent or do they vary depending on who you are speaking to? It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment and exaggerate claims or elaborate on a fictional reality. Even though your intentions are totally harmless, these little slips chip away at trust because people don’t judge us by our intentions.

11. Do you make people feel safe? Fear and trust are mutually exclusive. Most leaders would be shocked to find out that, in many cases, some people may fear them. As a leader, you have a lot of power: the power to hire, fire, promote and demote; the power to assign or withdraw choice assignments and perks; the power to give or withhold recognition. Against the current backdrop of unemployment and a failing economy, people’s fears can be magnified. An empathetic leader senses this and devotes effort and time to make people feel safe. Empathy involves understanding others’ anxiety and making a genuine effort to reduce it.

12. Organizations typically spend considerable amounts of money and considerable mental energy and effort in team building initiatives, including workshops, retreats, and adventure type experiences. While all of these have their place, if one wants to crack the code that will dramatically increase collaboration and enhance teamwork, one needs to start with the trust factor. It’s the benchmark of the health of the relationships in the team and it’s a very simple process. It is all about individual behaviors. Do individuals behave in a trustworthy manner or not? There is only a pass or fail. And what are these behaviors? We all instinctively know them but sometimes, we need to remind ourselves, and each other, of what they are. Ask yourself:

• Do I share information that I know is helpful to others or do I withhold it?
• Do I treat everyone with grace? Grace is a disposition of kindness and compassion.
• Do I practice benevolence in my dealings with others? Benevolence is a disposition to do good.
• Do I follow through on my commitments, even if it is at considerable personal expense?
• Do I seize opportunities to encourage others?
• Am I just as happy about others’ achievements as I am of my own?
• Do I strive to consistently deliver work that is exceedingly great?
• Is “candid” a quality people would readily attribute to me?

Trust is power. It’s the power to inspire and influence. It’s the glue that bonds us to each other, that strengthens relationships and turns threads of connections into strings of iron. Like four-year olds trusting that there will be a second marshmallow, can your constituents trust that your word is your bond? Leadership is difficult work. As George Washington said:“I can promise nothing but purity of intentions, and, in carrying these into effect, fidelity and diligence.”

Copyright © 2009 by Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved. For expanded tips on leadership, see my new book, The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow.

A few weeks ago, I came across a bumper sticker that said: “I am not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?” The humor in the bumper sticker led me to think of the slight unease or self-conscious discomfort that many people feel when a term such as “empathy” is introduced in a business environment. Notions of “touchy-feely”, spring to mind.

While empathy is an emotional activity, it is far from being a touchy-feely topic. At its core, empathy is the oil that keeps relationships running smoothly. The fact that empathy is an important component of effective relationships has been proven: In studies by Dr. Antonio Damasio (outlined in his book: “Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain.”), medical patients who had damage to part of the brain associated with empathy showed significant deficits in relationship skills, even though their reasoning and learning abilities remained intact.

Indeed, empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our “people acumen” and informs our decisions.

A formal definition of Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another’s situation, feelings and motives. It’s our capacity to recognize the concerns other people have. Empathy means: “putting yourself in the other person’s shoes” or “seeing things through someone else’s eyes”.

There are numerous studies that link empathy to business results. They include studies that correlate empathy with increased sales, with the performance of the best managers of product development teams and with enhanced performance in an increasingly diverse workforce. A few of these studies can be viewed on the site of The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations.

Yes, increasingly, the topic of empathy is encroaching on the business world. We are now even seeing terms such as “empathy marketing” and “empathy selling”. Not long ago, I came across the term “user empathy”, referring to user interface.

Along those lines, in his book, A Whole New Mind: Moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age, Daniel Pink predicts that power will reside with those who have strong right-brain (interpersonal) qualities. He cites three forces that are causing this change: Abundance, Asia and Automation. “Abundance” refers to our increasing demand for products or services that are aesthetically pleasing; “Asia” refers to the growing trend of outsourcing; “Automation” is self-explanatory. In order to compete in the new economy market, Pink suggests six areas that are vital to our success. One of which is Empathy; the ability to imagine yourself in someone else’s position, to imagine what they are feeling, to understand what makes people tick, to create relationships and to be caring of others: All of which is very difficult to outsource or automate, and yet is increasingly important to business.

Empathy is also particularly critical to leadership development in this age of young, independent, highly marketable and mobile workers. In a popular Harvard Business Review article entitled “What Makes a Leader?”, Dr. Daniel Goleman isolates three reasons for why empathy is so important: the increasing use of teams, (which he refers to as “cauldrons of bubbling emotions”), the rapid pace of globalization (with cross cultural communication easily leading to misunderstandings) and the growing need to retain talent. “Leaders with empathy,” states Goleman, “do more than sympathize with people around them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle, but important ways.” This doesn’t mean that they agree with everyone’s view or try to please everybody. Rather, they “thoughtfully consider employees’ feelings – along with other factors – in the process of making intelligent decisions.”

Empathy, then, is an ability that is well-worth cultivating. It’s a soft, sometimes abstract tool in a leader’s toolkit that can lead to hard, tangible results. But where does empathy come from? Is it a process of thinking or of emotion? From my perspective, I believe that it is both: We need to use our reasoning ability to understand another person’s thoughts, feelings, reactions, concerns, motives; This means truly making an effort to stop and think for a moment about the other person’s perspective in order to begin to understand where they are coming from: And then we need the emotional capacity to care for that person’s concern; Caring does not mean that we would always agree with the person, that we would change our position, but it does mean that we would be in tune with what that person is going through, so that we can respond in a manner that acknowledges their thoughts, feelings or concerns.

So this leads me to a question that I am sometimes asked: “Can you teach someone to be empathetic?” We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I firmly believe that we can develop this capacity.

Here are a few practical tips you might consider to help you do this:

1. Listen – truly listen to people. Listen with your ears, eyes and heart. Pay attention to others’ body language, to their tone of voice, to the hidden emotions behind what they are saying to you, and to the context.

2. Don’t interrupt people. Don’t dismiss their concerns offhand. Don’t rush to give advice. Don’t change the subject. Allow people their moment.

3. Tune in to non-verbal communication. This is the way that people often communicate what they think or feel, even when their verbal communication says something quite different.

4. Practice the 93% rule. We know from a famous study by Professor Emeriti, Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, that words – the things we say – account for only 7% of the total message that people receive. The other 93% of the message that we communicate when we speak is contained in our tone of voice and body language. It’s important, then, to spend some time to understand how we come across when we communicate with others. A simple thing like frowning or a raised eyebrow when someone is explaining their point of view can disconnect us from the speaker and make us appear as though we lack understanding.

5. Use people’s name. Also remember the names of people’s spouse and children so that you can refer to them by name.

6. Be fully present when you are with people. Don’t check your email, look at your watch or take phone calls when a direct report drops into your office to talk to you. Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if your boss did that to you?

7. Smile genuinely at people. When the upturned lip corners lack sincerity, people know it. A genuine smile is an index of your sincerity and without sincerity, there cannot be empathy.

8. Encourage people, particularly the quiet ones, when they speak up in meetings. A simple thing like an attentive nod can boost people’s confidence.

9. Give genuine recognition and praise. Pay attention to what people are doing and catch them doing the right things. When you give praise, spend a little effort to make your genuine words memorable: “You are an asset to this team because..”; “This was pure genius”; “I would have missed this if you hadn’t picked it up.”

10. Take a personal interest in people. Show people that you care by taking a personal interest in them. Show genuine curiosity about their lives. Ask them questions about their hobbies, their challenges, their families, their aspirations.

Empathy is an emotional and thinking muscle that becomes stronger the more we use it. Try some of these suggestions and watch the reactions of those you work with. I believe you will notice some positive results.

Years ago, I had come across a saying that went something like this: the measure of a man [or woman], is how they treat someone who is of absolutely no use to them. Empathy should not be selective: It should be a daily habit. If I were to create a bumper sticker, I would say: Empathy: Don’t Leave Home Without It!

Copyright © 2006 by Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved. For expanded tips on leadership and empathy, see my new book, The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow.