Long ago, Aristotle said: “The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” Today, there is a great deal of research on the importance of managing our energy for optimal performance in every area of our lives. We know that emotions play a pivotal role in harnessing or depleting mind energy. One emotional response that is not talked about often enough, in this context, is forgiveness. It is one of the least understood qualities and one of the most difficult to practice. And yet, forgiveness is one of the quickest paths to salvaging a great deal of wasted personal energy.

To forgive someone is to waive our right to resentment, anger or other negative reaction to something they have done that justifies our response. This is not about condoning or excusing their actions, but about intentionally deciding to let go of a sense of offense at snubs, ego scuffs, disappointments and other garden variety occurrences that pull our strings. Making forgiveness a part of our operating system is a key aspect of emotional intelligence: it is taking ownership of our own emotional reactions.

Forgiveness is not just a “nice to have” quality. There is now scientific evidence that a lack of forgiveness leads to increased stress and anxiety, and chronic conditions such as heart disease, hypertension and diabetes. One of the pioneers in the field of forgiveness research is Dr. Fred Luskin, Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects and a Senior Consultant in Health Promotion at Stanford. In this provocative and inspiring video, Dr. Luskin makes the most compelling case for practicing forgiveness. It is well worth watching, as is reading his book, Forgive for Good: A PROVEN Prescription for Health and Happiness.

Some fortunate individuals have a natural disposition for forgiveness, just as some are naturally gifted with a sense of humor. For the rest of us, what can we do to make forgiveness a part of our repertoire of behaviors? Here are some practical tips:

• Focus on a higher purpose in your life. Long ago, I read a quotation which said: “The size of a man can be measured by the size of the thing that makes him angry.” Resolve to let go of interpersonal abrasions, distress at unwarranted criticism, grudges and other petty vexations of the spirit that can be a regular occurrence in human interactions. Clearing this emotional mind clutter frees your mental energy to focus on your higher purpose, the worthwhile goals that contribute to your success. What you focus on grows.

• Consider taking a Forgiveness Measurement Test. Evidence shows that those who are inclined not to forgive are more susceptible to anger, anxiety and other negative emotions. Self-awareness, of course, precedes self-management. To increase your self-awareness in this area, consider taking The Heartland Forgiveness Test which is a free, 18-item online questionnaire that measures our disposition to be forgiving. Another free survey is the VIA Survey on Character Strengths which identifies 24 character strengths that define what’s best about people. Forgiveness is one of those strengths.

• Remind yourself frequently of the bottom-line benefits of forgiveness. Not only does forgiveness lead to greater emotional and physical well-being, but experiments have also shown that forgiveness results in greater productivity and an increase in sales. For example, an experiment with financial advisers after the stock market crash of 2000, involved training participants in emotional competence skills and forgiveness, and then tracking the impact of the training on sales and quality of life. Productivity increased by 25%, with a corresponding 10% increase in sales. In addition, the stress levels and quality of life of participants showed significant positive change.

• Stop talking about your grievances for a while. If you often feel a need to talk about people and issues that have irked you, consider that every time you repeat the story to others, you reinforce the residual grudges and take a step back in your ability to overcome resentment. Put a limit on the number of people you share these stories with. Better still, declare a personal moratorium on ruminating and complaining about the same issues and see what happens.

• Help establish a culture of forgiveness. If you are a leader, there are many initiatives you can take to set the right tone when it comes to forgiveness. Encourage the practice of kindness and grace by modeling forgiveness yourself and create a shame-free environment that makes it safe for people to admit to mistakes without the threat of repercussions. Discourage triangulation amongst your team. Triangulation refers to a dysfunction within a team, where team member A complains about team member B to the team leader rather than to team member B directly, so that the team leader is forced to be the go between for the two. Triangulation is a form of corporate infantilism. More often than not, this funneling of information through a third party exacerbates the conflict and does not encourage team members to resolve their issues in a mature manner.

• Take exit interviews with a grain of salt. As a leader, you owe it to your people to practice due diligence in all policies and practices that can have an impact on their well-being at work. One such area is the exit interview. While it is a useful tool for companies to gain important information, they can also be used as unfair instruments of revenge by disgruntled or malcontent people. Don’t discount them but don’t accept them blindly either. Use your good judgment and intuition about the people involved and the situations so that you can use the feedback fairly.

• Every day, resolve to practice the best form of revenge. There is a great deal of truth in the old adage that the best revenge is living well. I love this quote from Frank Sinatra: “The best revenge is massive success.” If you are struggling with issues of resentment and past hurts that are derailing you, keep this thought at the forefront of your mind every time you experience negative emotions. Ask yourself, how is my resentful attitude holding me back from living my best life?

Forgiveness helps us function on a higher level on the humanity scale. It is a front row ticket to peace of mind and, once mastered, gives us a definite personal advantage. Multitudes of people today are concerned about creating a better world. Perhaps one of the ways to change the world is to make forgiveness a household word, to find opportunities every day to practice it in your life. Forgiveness is a wise energy choice.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

“The force multiplier throughout history,” write Gallup research veterans Bruce J. Avolio and Fred Luthans, “has often been attributed to the leader’s ability to generate hope.”Leaders are purveyors of hope. With the unease caused by the Great Recession, it is easy to spiral into a negative state of mind and ignore the promising signs that the worst of the panic is past.

Despite the economic pressures, says a recent editorial in The Vancouver Sun, “The U.S. is the richest nation on earth because it is the most innovative, the most creative and the most productive. It is the country millions of people living elsewhere want to move to — and have.”

You may lead a large organization or a small business. But no matter the size, chances are you rely on others to achieve results. One of the minimum prerequisites for achieving positive results is giving people a sense of hope and optimism, and instilling confidence that things will work out. As the leader, one of your chief responsibilities is to give people hope, to help them see that tomorrow can be better than today. This is not about ignoring the real challenges you may be facing; It’s about deliberately choosing to align everyone around a single-purpose focus: how do we make the organization succeed and what is everyone’s role in achieving this goal?

So how do you inspire yourself and others? Here are a few practical tips from some of the best thought-leaders in their fields:

1. Understand the bio-chemistry of gratitude. We have often heard the importance of counting your blessings rather than your burdens. Now we have scientific proof that practicing gratitude for what we have creates some beneficial biological changes such as a decrease in cortisol and stress levels and a more harmonious heart rate. Help yourself and your people by reminding everyone of all that you are grateful for. Gratitude is the quickest route to a positive attitude. It boosts energy and enthusiasm and it’s a smart thing to do.

2. Assemble a personal library of material to inspire you. You cannot inspire others if you are not inspired yourself. Take care of your spiritual well-being by spending 10 or 15 minutes every day reading inspirational material. This may be different for each person. Some may be inspired by daily quotations, others by reading biographies of successful people in their field or reading bio-adversities. Yet others may derive inspiration from reading about innovations: An inspiring website for ideas on building a better tomorrow is The World Future Society. You might also be inspired by watching video clips from such diverse individuals as a little girl practicing positive affirmations or the moving final lecture of Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch before he succumbed to cancer at the age of 47.

3. Protect team members from negative people. Negativity is a communicable disease! We know that our brain is highly malleable and has the ability to reorganize itself every time we have new experiences. According to John Kounios, Drexel University Medical School Professor of Psychology and Cognitive Neuroscience, our neural connections change even after a twenty-minute conversation. This gives new meaning to the negative impact on performance that a conversation with a negative person can have. You know who these people are on the team. Take them aside and coach them.

4. Watch this video clip many times or read the articles. It is Tom Peters’ 44 Strategies for dealing with the recession. Better still, send it to everyone in your organization.

5. Be a mirror for the positive attitudes you want others to adopt. As a leader, you are in a looking glass and people watch you for cues on which way the wind is blowing. We can learn a thing or two from leadership in the military. Imagine the effect on troop morale and energy that an overwhelmed, anxious, or discouraged leader would have? And how about a leader who is plagued by uncertainty? “Indecision,” as H.A. Hopf says, “is contagious. It transmits itself to others.”

6. Match your body language to your message. Are you aware of your habitual facial expressions? What is the non-verbal message you impart? While this may sound New-Age, consider the infectious nature of a sincere smile when you greet people every day. In a TIME magazine piece Mandela: His 8 Lessons of Leadership, one of the attributes mentioned is that he had “a smile that was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day.”

7. Continue to remind people of the vision. Communicate in person, and often. If you are accustomed to leading via email, now is the time to be more visible than ever. Spend time to craft your message in a way that connects with people and inspires them. If you need some guidance in enhancing your ability to communicate with guts and heart, consider reading Terry Pearce’s Leading Out Loud: Inspiring Change Through Authentic Communications.

8. Pay particular attention to the people who are the direct link to customers. Are employees’ own anxieties spilling over to customers and unwittingly eroding the customer experience? Help people understand their crucial role in customer retention. If you have eliminated training to save on costs, consider sending a strong message about the importance of creating and maintaining a strong customer service culture by bringing in training in that area.

As President Barack Obama recounted in his book The Audacity of Hope as well as in speeches as a presidential candidate, hope is “the bedrock of this nation. A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead.” Hope opens our eyes to view the possibilities. It drives us to action. It sets a tone of vitality and inspiration for you and for others.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

“Your capacity to regulate emotions,” says David Rock “is absolutely essential to success in life.” Managing our emotions is crucial because it allows us to use our brain more efficiently. When our limbic system, also known as the emotional brain, is overly aroused, it de-activates our prefrontal cortex which handles higher order thinking such as analysis, complex problem solving, organizing, and prioritizing. Compared to the limbic system, the prefrontal cortex is a small, fragile, energy-hungry region. This means that experiencing strong negative emotions at work, for example, significantly diminishes our capacity for staying focused and our problem solving abilities.

Your limbic system is continually on the lookout for any threats, and it gets overly aroused when it perceives a threat. Understanding these threats can help you cope with them on a personal level, and minimize their occurrence for those you lead. Social neuroscientists have discovered five major threats and rewards that drive all of our behaviors. David Rock describes these five, which he dubbed as the SCARF Model, in his book: Your Brain at Work: Strategies for Overcoming Distraction, Regaining Focus, and Working Smarter All Day Long. You can also view a fascinating video-taped lecture the author delivered, at Google, on the subject.

SCARF is an acronym for:

Status (where you feel you stand in the pecking order)

Certainty (your perception of how well you can predict the future)

Autonomy (a feeling that you have choices)

Relatedness (feeling safe with others; feeling a sense of trust)

Fairness (a feeling of fair exchanges and fair connections with others)

When these five social domains are not threatened, we experience a reward and it makes us more productive and able to do good work. Conversely, when they are missing, we experience a threat response. The threat response activates our limbic system which at the same time deactivates the prefrontal cortex and this has a strong impact on our ability to do our best work. How can you use this information on how your brain works to be a better leader? Here are some tips:

1. Develop strategies for managing your negative emotions. Suppressing negative emotions, commonly known as keeping a stiff upper lip, doesn’t work as it doesn’t dampen the activity in the emotional brain. Expressing the negative emotions doesn’t work either as it is not always appropriate and can cause collateral damage to the relationship.

A better way is a strategy called “cognitive reappraisal” pioneered by James. J. Gross, editor of Handbook of Emotion Regulation. First, you briefly label the emotion—for example, “I am getting angry.” Then, immediately re-appraise your perception of the aversive situation in more positive terms in order to lessen its emotional punch. Colloquially, this is another way of saying: “Look on the bright side.” So, for example, instead of dwelling on: “This is the second time he submits a report with errors in it,”immediately reframe your thinking with: “This is an opportunity for me to show leadership qualities and coach this person to improve and grow.” It doesn’t matter whether this is an objective re-appraisal or not—Gross has shown that the action of re-appraising can profoundly affect the quality (which emotion) and the quantity (the intensity of the emotion) of the subsequent emotional response.

Practicing cognitive reappraisal is a way of training yourself to catch the small droplets before they become a flood. Use it as a tool to help you stay cool under fire. Remember that all of this is in order to dampen the activity in your limbic system so that it doesn’t deactivate your prefrontal cortex and allows you to focus on problem solving, productivity, innovation—in short, on what matters.

2. Give your people more access to your boss. Consider that people like to know that their boss’s boss knows the great contributions they made to a project or the significant effort they made in writing a report that does not bear their name. Knowing that their leader is representing them well to upper management increases a person’s sense of status and is a high-octane motivator. It also engenders fierce loyalty.

3. Handle the annual employee performance review as a fragile object. While these reviews may be necessary, consider that they are a form of mild torture for those undergoing an evaluation because “feedback” on one’s performance unless handled with the utmost of fairness and authenticity, ends up being a threat to an individual’s sense of worth. Much misery and wasted intellectual resource have been the by-product of the dreaded annual review.

4. Share knowledge and information. If you habitually hold meetings behind closed doors, think about how constituents on the other side of the door might feel. Being in on things is shown to be a prime motivator for employees: it’s a status enhancer. Knowing what’s going on makes people feel like they are a part of the family rather than hired hands.

5. Create an even playing field for everyone. While it’s natural that there will be some members of your team that you might favor over others, catch yourself if you unwittingly play favorites. Constituents’ radar detector is highly tuned to notice such occurrences that may tap into their sense of unfairness and status.

6. Hire positive people. Consider the cost in productivity and loss of focus that negative people cause in the workplace. Heed those words from research conducted by Tom Rath and Donald Clifton who state that: “Where productivity is concerned, it would be better for organizations if people who are negative stayed home.”

7. Make people feel safe by establishing a culture of trust. If one wants to crack the code that will dramatically increase collaboration and productivity by managing negative emotions in the workplace, one needs to start with the trust factor. This taps into “relatedness”—feeling safe with others. The trust factor is all about individual behaviors and it applies to everyone on the team. Do individuals behave in a trustworthy manner or not? There is only a pass or fail. And what are these behaviors? We all instinctively know them but sometimes, we need to remind ourselves, and each other, of what they are. Ask yourself:

* Do I share information that I know is helpful to others or do I withhold it?
* Do I treat everyone with grace? Grace is a disposition of kindness and compassion.
* Do I practice benevolence in my dealings with others? Benevolence is a disposition to do good.
* Do I follow through on my commitments, even if it is at considerable personal expense?
* Do I seize opportunities to encourage others?
* Am I just as happy about others’ achievements as I am of my own?
* Do I strive to consistently deliver work that is exceedingly great?

8. Sharpen your conflict resolution skills. Consider that the most time-consuming problems you deal with at work may very well be people related rather than technical issues. People issues become insidious energy bandits, if we don’t manage them well. It’s advantageous to increase your ability to negotiate and resolve disagreements and de-escalate conflict so that people can perform at higher levels and achieve results. Attending conflict resolution training pays dividends.

Keeping the SCARF model in mind and reminding yourself that every day behavior at work is governed by the overriding principle of minimizing threat and maximizing reward is a powerful tool in your arsenal as a leader. There is a saying that goes: “The successful man is the average man focused.” Knowing how the brain functions and using this information to regulate your own emotions and those of others is the quickest path for staying focused and improving mental performance for yourself and your team. It’s a smart move.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

I once worked for a technology company that encouraged employees to practice what they called “Intelligent Disobedience.” The concept originates from Seeing Eye dogs: while dogs must learn to obey the commands of a blind person, they must also know when they need to disobey commands that can put the owner in harm’s way, such as when a car is approaching.

Intelligent disobedience is not about setting out to be disagreeable or arbitrarily disobeying rules for its own sake. Rather, it is about using your judgment to decide when, for example, an established rule actually hinders your organization, rather than helps it. The antonym of intelligent disobedience is blind conformity. Conformity smoothes our day’s journey at work. Conformity, however, can have its downsides. It saps creativity for one, and it is, in John F. Kennedy’s parlance, “the enemy of growth.”

Here are some ideas to inspire you and others in your team to establish a culture that values intelligent disobedience:

Consider the benefits of decentralizing some of the decision-making in your unit. If you are used to making all the decisions, allow those closest to the customer the flexibility to make appropriate decisions on the spot, as for example, to right a wrong, even if the decision is contrary to some established rule of the organization. This places the value where it should be—on customer satisfaction rather than on lockstep adherence to the process—but it also places value on team members by giving them the authority to bend the rules when necessary.

Don’t surround yourself with yes-men. Ponder the words of Barry Rand of Xerox, quoted in Colin Powell’s A Leadership Primer: “. . . if you have a yes-man working for you, one of you is redundant.”

Beware of naysayers. Consider the source of those who vigorously advise you against a change initiative. Sharpen your social and organizational awareness skills by carefully analyzing what their self-interest might be. In this regard, take a page from Guy Kawasaki’s Rules for Revolutionaries: The Capitalist Manifesto for Creating and Marketing New Products and Services: “The status quo will always try to shoot down a good idea, especially if it threatens their position.”

Don’t take expert opinion as the final word. If your own experience or knowledge tells you otherwise, don’t automatically silence your inner voice because it is drowned by the din of the expert crowd. Above all, spend the time to glean the experts from the quasi-experts in your field.

Catch yourself if you habitually insist on “going by the book.” Ask yourself: Is this necessary for every issue? Might you enhance your team’s productivity if you paid more attention to the restraining effect that this could have on the people involved? What would happen if you built some elasticity in your rules, if you allowed others to apply standard procedures more flexibly?

Become aware of your mental scripts. In Everyday Survival: Why Smart People do Stupid Things, Laurence Gonzales talks about the dumb mistakes we make when we work from a mental script that does not match the requirements of the real-world situation. Mental scripts are our conditioned responses to various situations. Mental scripts push us, for example, to stubbornly cling to the notion that “this is how we have always done it”, refusing to accept the realities of a new situation. So we find ourselves mistakenly generalizing into the future whatever worked in the past—this is a slippery path.

Help your people distinguish between fact and conjecture. Conjecture can be influenced by mental scripts which don’t have a bearing on current reality. Be the voice in the room that calls others’ attention to this possibility, and help everyone pause so that they can analyze inferences and conjectures that may or may not be valid.

Examine your reaction when confronted with new ideas. Seth Godin compiled a list of responses to actual good ideas. If any of these describe some of your habitual responses, consider how you might practice being more receptive to others’ notions. Defending the status quo is a sure-fire way to extinguish the spark of new ideas in your group.

Establish a culture that values common sense over bureaucracy. Encourage everyone on your team to cast a critical eye on all procedures, practices and policies in their area. Which ones are no longer relevant? Which ones impede or delay the flow of critical information? Which ones cause make-shift work? Which ones are plain dumb? Which traditions have petrified?

Get comfortable saying no. Intelligent disobedience also involves having the ability to say no. If you struggle with this, read The Power of a Positive No: Save the Deal, Save the Relationship and Still Say No. In the book, William Ury, outlines how to master the art of delivering what he calls “a positive No.” This is a powerful three-step process of marrying a No with a Yes:

1) Yes! (Becoming conscious of the positive foundation for your No, e.g. core interests or values)
2) No. (Respectfully explaining your No, linking it to your positive foundation)
3) Yes? (Having a plan B, i.e. another positive outcome for the other party)

Make it safe for people to push back. This provides a platform from which people can rise and develop, and is also the mark of a confident leader who has the maturity to know that he or she cannot possibly have all the right answers. Allow others to connect the dots their own way.

Be aware of mind traps that lead to blind conformity. Mind traps act as mental straight-jackets, preventing you from thinking creatively and rationally. These include, for example, the “herd instinct”, i.e. relying on the fact that “everybody else is doing it.” Here is a compiled list of the ten most common thinking traps.

Question the blind assumptions that can hurt your business. In Rules to Break and Laws to Follow: How Your Business Can Beat the Crisis of Short-Termism (Microsoft Executive Leadership Series), the authors expose three false assumptions about how a business creates value—these are, among the rules to consider breaking:

1) The best measure of success for your business is current sales and profit
2) With the right sales and marketing effort, you can always get more customers
3) Company value is created by offering differentiated products and services

Reconsider your need for harmony at the expense of progress. We are often reticent to challenge the process for fear of disquieting others who resist change. A component of emotional intelligence is the ability to be a change catalyst: to build the courage to champion change despite opposition.

Become aware of your three most rigidly-held beliefs. Write them down. Explore what cognitive shifts you can make to soften your position on these. Think of the emotions that drive these beliefs. Could some of them be motivated by fear? What might these unbendable beliefs prevent you from achieving?

The well-beaten path may be comfortable because it allows us to move along, without having to exert much effort, but it is the path that ultimately leads to mediocrity. As Emerson said, long ago, “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.” If you are a leader in charge of others, allow space for them to leave their own footprints.

Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

George Bernard Shaw said: “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.” Nowhere is this statement more applicable than when considering the issue of introverts and extraverts communicating in the workplace. Each of these two solitudes faces particular challenges and the entire communication process can be emotionally draining for both groups. Following are some pointers for emotionally-intelligent communication:

Tips for Extraverted Leaders:

1. Be concise. Every gift, taken to extreme, can be a liability: understand that while you are invigorated by talking, are energized by interruptions and enjoy thinking out loud, taken to the extreme, this may be experienced as overbearing and overpowering.

2. Circulate information ahead of a meeting. Provide as much written information as is feasible before a meeting so that introverted team members have a chance to reflect on the material in order to give you their best thinking.

3. Don’t expect immediate decisions. Understand that pressuring introverted team members to come up with a decision on the spot may likely result in a decision that they don’t fully buy-in. The time you saved upfront will come to haunt you downstream.

4. Allow silence its moment. A common complaint of introverts about extraverts is about their listening skills, in particular, their rush to fill the silence. Practice self-management by valuing pauses which allow the real conversation to be heard. To that end, watch Tom Peters’ provocative video clip on strategic listening and see if you are an 18 second manager.

5. Don’t wait for introverts to offer opinions. Instead, ask them. Introverts generally dislike having the light shining on them. Know when it is more fruitful to meet one-on-one rather than in a public forum.

6. Respect introverts’ need for privacy. Practicing good social awareness skills entails understanding that extended extraverted activities can be draining for introverts. The American Journal of Psychiatry reported on a fascinating study showing that introversion (as well as extraversion) may be hardwired and controlled by certain neurotransmitters: introverts, unlike extraverts, have a low tolerance for dopamine, a transmitter linked to thrill seeking, which increases their need for time alone. An explanation of these research findings can be found in The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World.

Tips for Introverted Leaders:

1. Give visual clues when listening.  While introverts are often better listeners, their expressions may sometimes give the impression that they lack interest or involvement in the topic being discussed. At the extreme, they may even inadvertently appear to dislike the speaker. Remedy this with simple things like a nod, a smile and leaning forward — micro gestures that go a long way to signal to others that they are indeed being heard.

2. Invest time to raise your comfort level for public speaking. If public speaking ranks among one of your top dreads, resolve to conquer this. Developing the ability to stand up in front of an audience to deliver an engaging presentation is a strategic imperative. Lee Iacocca once said: “You can have brilliant ideas, but if you can’t get them across, your ideas won’t get you anywhere.” Develop the skills to help you share your brilliance with a wide audience.

3. Beware of voids created by non-communication. A void will be quickly filled by rumors, misinterpretations, and grapevine musings. Take the initiative to share information. Be inspired by Seth Godin’s exhortation that “the less people know, the more they yell” and make sure that you communicate early and often.

4. Provide timely feedback. Consider voicing your opinions sooner. Providing critical feedback once a project is well underway can frustrate or de-motivate others on the team.

5. Learn the art of small talk.  If this is not a preferred activity for you, consider that small talk is the oil that lubricates relationships and paves the way for more important discussions. For pointers on mastering this social ritual, read Guy Kawasaki’s article on The Art of Schmoozing II. Just as being in the presence of an overly gregarious extravert may make an introvert feel uncomfortable, so sharing space with an individual who appears impassive may make an extraverted person feel ill at ease.

6. Share some personal information with a greater number of people. This helps more people know you better and increases the level of trust. Transparency strengthens our connections to others.

There are many gifts that each group brings to the table. Introverts and extraverts form a beautiful palette of diversity if we are willing to capitalize on each other’s strengths. And the quickest path to reach this is through emotionally-intelligent communication.

My article was  posted on American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

See if you can watch this popular video clip without feeling good. It’s almost impossible not to be influenced by the joyful emotions we are witnessing. Brain scientists have proven what we have sensed intuitively: that emotions are contagious. They infect not only individuals but entire groups.

While both positive and negative emotions are contagious, negative ones spread even faster than positive ones. This has important implications for both our personal and organizational well-being.

One of the researchers in this area is Dr. Sigal Barsade of the Wharton School of The University of Pennsylvania. She states that if people ‘catch’ each other’s emotions, then this can “influence their decisions accordingly.” This can be problematic, however, if people are not aware that the mood they are in, or the subsequent actions, originated from someone else’s emotions.

Nowhere is this potentially more detrimental than in a work team because unwarranted anxiety or worry, started by one or two individuals, can have a ripple effect on the entire team and influence their collective behavior.The same can be said of the negative disposition of one person in a team which can spread like a virus. We have all experienced how one malcontent person can dampen the spirit of everyone else in the group.

While developing total immunity against emotional contagion is achieved by monks in Tibet, here are some things the rest of us can do to short-circuit its potentially disruptive effect on ourselves and others in our environment:

1. If you are a leader, consider that managing your moods is one of your chief responsibilities. You are a “walking mood inductor” and your subordinates are “receptors.”Your mood impacts how they feel, and, consequently, how they perform. Take a page from Charles M. Schwab who said: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among men the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.”

2. Set a positive mood in a meeting. Meetings can be cauldrons of emotion—the mood in the meeting can have an impact on what does or doesn’t get discussed, and on how it is discussed, and consequently, on what is accomplished. If you are a leader, you control the dimmer switch of performance. People are continually watching you for cues on which way the wind is blowing.

3. Create a Stop Doing List. I borrowed from Jim Collins’s Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap … and Others Don’t, a Stop Doing List is useful in minimizing stress that affects our mood. Those who built companies that went from ‘good to great’ displayed a remarkable discipline “to unplug all sorts of extraneous junk.”

4. Raise your awareness of your moods. Self-awareness precedes self-management. Researchers tell us that recognizing emotions and acknowledging their cause can be one way to avoid spreading emotional contagion. Stop yourself in your tracks and ask yourself: Am I being excessively negative or judgmental? Am I being impatient with others? Is my tone dismissive?

If, on some occasions, it is particularly difficult to snap out of a bad mood, just be upfront: “I am not in a good mood right now; can we meet this afternoon?” Most people appreciate the raw honesty of this statement. Going into self-imposed quarantine for an hour or two is not only a graceful thing to do, but it is also an emotionally-intelligent choice.

5. Eliminate your energy drainers. Are these among the offenders that may cause you stress: internalizing others’ criticism, fragmented boundaries, power struggles, unprotected personal time, useless networking, and continuous one-way favors? What can you do to address these and other drainers? What can you eliminate to make room for what energizes you and keeps you focused on what matters?

6. Focus on what you do best. We are prone to stress and perpetual bad moods when we are fragmented in our approach. If business strategy is a cause of your stress, consider reading Profit from the Core: A Return to Growth in Turbulent Times by Chris Zook et al. The book shows you how focusing on your core business—that which you do best—is the most efficient way to bring about long-term growth and profit.

By refocusing on what you do best, the authors advise, it will also be easier to spot inefficiencies that drain your business. The same applies to our personal life: if we don’t narrow down our activities to a fundamental core from which we can grow, setting meaningful goals becomes much harder.

7. Be skeptical of self-evaluations when you are not in a good mood. Charles Horton Cooley shared these words of wisdom: “One should never criticize his own work except in a fresh and hopeful mood.” We lose our objectivity when we view things through the dark prism of a bad mood.

8. Be aware of the P/N ratio. This measures the instance of positive incidents (e.g. “This was a brilliant idea”) vs. negative incidents (e.g. “I am disappointed with the quality of your report.”) Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and mathematician Marcial Losada discovered that teams that have a positivity ratio greater than 3:1 were much more productive than teams that had a lower positivity ratio. (There is also an upper P/N ratio limit of 13:1 at which point performance worsens as the ratio of positive to negative is then perceived as too Pollyannaish.)

Fredrickson’s and Losada’s work builds on the research of John Gottman, a psychologist, who had earlier discovered the “magic ratio” of 5:1 essential for successful marriages. He was able to predict with 94% accuracy the couples that would end up divorcing.You can test your own positivity ratio by taking the free positivity ratio test here.

9. Be mindful of the connection between a good mood and creativity. Adam Anderson, of the University of Toronto researched the effect of moods on creativity and found that a good mood enhances our ability to think laterally. “You can actually put people into a more creative mindset by putting them in a positive mood.”

Consider this the next time you go into a brainstorming session. If you are not in a good mood, try the advice from mood experts: for example, listening to upbeat music; it takes milliseconds for music to affect our mood. Or spend a few moments to reflect on things that you appreciate in your life.

10. Be vigilant of emotional contagion of front line employees who interface with customers. Studies have shown that emotional contagion between customers and employees influence the customer’s attitude towards product and intention to repurchase. To generate positive customer emotions, employees must create and display genuine positive emotions themselves.

11. Re-evaluate your email before hitting the send button. This oft-heard advice bears repeating. Bad moods can be transmitted as loud and clear electronically as they are face to face. Just as we can’t unring a bell, we cannot retrieve a hastily sent email that will be a permanent, digital reminder of your bad mood.

12. Don’t let others contaminate you with their moods. Someone once said: “Moods should be heard but never danced to.”While this is not a cake walk, it is not impossible either. It takes self-determination and strength of will to resolve to maintain your emotional freedom no matter what is going on around you.

Emotions are often described as “energy in motion.” Audit your moods and ask yourself if you generate positive energy for those around you. If not, resolve to change this. Your mood, whether positive or negative, can linger long after you leave a room. And the mood generated is directly related to how you made people feel. Maya Angelou said it right: “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”

My article was first posted on American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

There is a scene in the movie “The Hustler”, where Fast Eddie, played by Paul Newman, says: “It’s a great feeling, boy, it’s a real great feeling when you’re right and you KNOW you’re right. It’s like all of a sudden I got oil in my arm. The pool cue is a part of me. . . you don’t have to look, you just KNOW. You make shots that nobody’s ever made before.”   What the character is describing is being in a state of flow – that enthralled state, when your level of skill matches the level of the challenge.  You become so engrossed in what you do that you forget to eat.  You escape time. We’ve all been there. It’s what athletes call “being in the zone”, what musicians refer to as “being in the groove”.

The concept of flow is the brainchild of psychologist Mihali Csikszentmihalyi. In an interesting talk a few years ago, on TED.com, Csikszentmihalyi talks about the concept of flow and about his more recent book, Good Business: Flow and the Making of Meaning. In it he writes that success is being involved in an endeavor that helps others and, at the same time, makes you feel happy.  You can’t have just one of these things to be successful.   As an inspiring example of flow in an organization he cites the vision of Masaru Ibuka, the co-founder of Sony: “To establish a place of work where engineers can feel the joy of technological innovation, be aware of their mission to society, and work to their heart’s content.”

The literature on how to find happiness is abundant, especially so in the last few years.  Perhaps one of the key components of happiness, is precisely the flow prescription Csikszentmihalyi gives us as a result of his massive research on what makes our life meaningful, on what helps us experience those “best moments,” which usually happen when we are physically or intellectually stretched to our limits “in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”

How can we help ourselves achieve the coveted state of flow?  Here are ten tips for harnessing this psychic energy:

1. Forget about multitasking. Constant multitasking, this modern-day malaise, is the enemy of flow. A 2006 Time Magazine article by Claudia Wallis and Sonja Steptoe cites several studies that show that interruptions at the beginning and the end of a task are most detrimental to performance.  “Some of the world’s most creative and productive individuals simply refuse to subject their brains to excess data streams.” A large number of Winners of MacArthur genius grants share a striking similarity: they turn off their cell phones and iPods during transit time and devote that time to thinking.

2. Know that flow is an inside job. Wean yourself away from dependency on others’ approval and set your own inner standards of excellence.

3. Be crystal clear about what you want to accomplish and develop a single-purpose focus. Having a laser-like focus of attention on what matters most is a hallmark of successful people. Take a page from people like Eric Schmidt, Google’s CEO, who said:  “I keep things focused. The speech I give every day is: ‘This is what we do. Is what we are doing consistent with that, and can it change the world?’”

4. Set micro milestones and celebrate small wins. At the outset of a project, set the smallest of milestones and celebrate all the small accomplishments along the way. In his most recent video clip, Tom Peters explains the crucial importance of this practice for energizing yourself and others.

5. Do whatever it takes to sharpen your skills. When the skill set is not adequate for the challenge of the task, we move away from flow and experience anxiety, a flow killer.  It pays to devote maximum time to hone our skills for whatever it is we are undertaking.

6. Work on reducing your stress level. This will increase your chances of experiencing a flow state.  A useful tool to consider is Heart Math’s em Wave.  This is a scientifically validated software program that shows you in real time the effect of your thoughts and emotions on your heart rhythm. It helps you train your brain to release stress which in turn will improve your ability to focus, a prerequisite for the flow state.

7. Cultivate mastery. Mastery is a desire to surpass oneself, always striving to improve and rise above mere adequacy. Take an inspiration from the late Dr. George Leonard, the foremost expert on the subject of mastery. His research has isolated five keys to mastery:  1. Surrender to your passion. Mastery is a journey of joy and being willing to see how far you can go is a self-surpassing quality.  2. Practice, Practice, Practice. This will make you good at anything you undertake.  3. Get a Guide:  Don’t practice wrong. 4. Visualize the outcome. Visualize it vividly and in detail to make it real and present in your consciousness.  5. Play the Edge: Go a bit further than you have gone before and maybe a little further than anyone else has gone before.

8. Practice leadership Aikido. If you are a leader, derive some inspiration from Eastern philosophies of management by considering the practice of Aikido in the context of leadership. The term Aikido roughly translates “as the way of the harmonious spirit”. It refers to the non-combative martial art in Japan. In his book, Leadership Aikido:  6 Business Practices that Can Turn Your Life Around, John O’Neil, shows how we can achieve inner calm and blend energy with a competitor to move us forward. The three-pronged strategy of adaptability, flexibility and partnership is an unbeatable combination of personal mastery.

9. If you are in charge of others, set the conditions for them to experience flow in the workplace.  Be particularly vigilant against boredom experienced by your people. Since we experience boredom when our skill set is higher than the challenge, find ways to enrich others’ job.  While all jobs have routine components, know the percentage of time that people spend in that draining zone and look for means to increase their challenge. Incorporate the prescribed practices for increasing flow:  Establish clear goals, especially short-term ones, set unequivocal expectations, give people control over the task, and, above all, give your people immediate feedback on how they are doing.  All of these practices set the stage for creating flow experiences. Not only is it a benevolent initiative but it is a smart thing to do as it will increase the engagement of your people.

10. Get absorbed in something that is bigger than you.  If you have limited control over the kind of work you are involved in, use some of your discretionary time to get interested in noble causes, pursuits that contribute something beneficial to society.  Bertrand Russell said that the quickest way to make ourselves miserable is to focus on ourselves all the time.  It was his love of mathematics that kept him energized.

The characteristic signs of being in a state of flow are that we feel joyful – even ecstatic – totally absorbed, and devoid of stress while using our skills to the utmost for the greater good. This is a mental state worth cultivating.

For more information on mastery, read my book: The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow.

My article was first posted in American Express Forum. Copyright ©2010 Bruna Martinuzzi. All Rights Reserved.

“If there is any one secret of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.” This is empathy. Not an easy undertaking, even though scientists have now proven that we are indeed wired for empathy. In this fascinating video by Nova Science, we see how mirror neurons, also dubbed Gandhi’s neurons, act as a “neurological Wi-Fi” to help us connect with other people’s feelings.

Almost one hundred years after Henry Ford’s pronouncement, Dave Patnaik, in Wired to Care: How Companies Prosper When They Create Widespread Empathy shows how a variety of global successful organizations, from Nike to Harley Davidson, benefit from integrating empathy for the consumer as an integral part of their culture.

Empathy is our ability to recognize and identify with the concerns other people have. In short, it is our capacity to care for others besides ourselves. Not only does the ability to empathize make us more successful in our professional and personal lives, but it is also the decent thing to do. It’s the path of the mensch.

With our overloaded psyche and our fast-paced lives, our empathy skills can become corroded. How do we practice empathy? Here are a few pointers:

1. Don’t Take for Granted the Most Important People in Your Life. Is your unwavering focus on the finish line causing you to unintentionally neglect your family’s emotional needs? If so, you might derive inspiration from the poignant words of Brian G. Dyson, a former CEO of Coca-Cola: “Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air. You name them-work, family, health, friends, and spirit-and you are keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls-family, health, friends, and spirit-are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.”

2. Understand this Universal Human Fear. A fundamental fear experienced by most is the hidden fear of not measuring up. Recognize this and do your part to genuinely make those in your circle of influence feel that they are enough. It’s a powerful act of interpersonal philanthropy.

3. Cultivate an Executive Presence. Much has been written about what executive presence is but one thing is certain: those who possess it have “social generosity.” We invariably walk away from them feeling energized and better about ourselves. This is because they have empathy, the quality that makes them sense our need to feel important. They see us not as we are, but as who we could become. Simply put, they care about how we feel. What a wonderful gift it is, to be able to bestow this on those we encounter. One could argue that it is indeed impossible to have executive presence without empathy because a major requirement for executive presence is the ability to connect with others.

4. Stop Negative Listening Habits. Adele Lynn isolated six negative listening habits, including the Rebuttal Maker (listening long enough to formulate his rebuttal), the Advice Giver (jumping too quickly to give unsolicited advice), the Interrupter (more anxious to speak his words than to listen), the Logical Listener (rarely asking about the underlying feelings or emotions attached to a message), the Happy Hooker (using the speaker’s words only as a way to get to his own message: “That’s nothing, let me tell you what happened to me”), and perhaps the worst of all, the Faker (pretending to listen). Do you inadvertently fall into any of these poor listening habits? Self-awareness precedes self-management. Making someone feel that they are truly listened to is the most foundational aspect of empathy.

5. Beware of the Pygmalion Effect. How you persistently view someone that you closely interact with can have an effect on how they perform—a self-fulfilling prophecy. People are very good at sensing how we view them. We translate this through a multitude of micro gestures: frequently checking email while they talk to us, picking up the phone when they enter our office, or looking away when they speak at meetings. All of these seemingly insignificant gestures are posters with a clear message: you are not important. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment and try to experience what that must feel like. Developing empathy involves putting our foot on the brake for a moment to ponder such issues. Our First Nations people have a beautiful saying for empathy—it is: “Walk a mile in my moccasins.”

Empathy helps us forge positive connections with others. It’s a state of mind and a way of being that act as a catalyst to help us create positive communities for the greater good.

My article was first posted on American Express Forum. For more tips on practicing empathy, read my book: The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to follow.

Here are my thoughts on how to be a Mensch in 2010. I hope they inspire you in your life’s journey.

I am blessed that Guy Kawasaki posted my article in his American Express Open Forum site and that so many of Guy’s followers tweeted the article to their network. We need to spread the concept of being a mensch far and wide for a kinder and better world.

1. Give people gifts whose value is beyond price. This means giving someone a second chance, giving someone the benefit of the doubt and giving others a reason to want to work for you besides earning a living. It entails giving others latitude, permission to make mistakes and all the information that they need to do the job. It means giving them the authority that goes with that responsibility and giving them due credit for their ideas.

2. Resolve to become known as a talent hunter. The biggest hunger in anyone’s eyes is the hunger for appreciation. Genuinely acknowledging others is high octane fuel for the soul.

3. Share ideas and information that can enrich others. To that end, derive inspiration from Charles Leadbeater’s words: “In the past, you were what you owned. Now you are what you share.”

4. Spend more time in that wonderful space of the ‘beginner’s mind’. This means replacing “Been there, done that”, with: “Tell me more.” It translates into moving away from pushing into allowing, from insecure to secure, from seeking approval to seeking enlightenment. It’s forgetting about being perfect and enjoying being in the moment.

5. Don’t tell people what they can’t do. Show them what they can do. If some of your habitual phrases are “Let me explain why that won’t work” Or “Let me be Devil’s Advocate for a minute”, read Tom Kelley’s book: The Ten Faces of Innovation: Ideo’s Strategies for Beating the Devil’s Advocate & Driving Creativity Throughout Your Organization.

6. Minimize the space you take up. When you enter a crowded coffee shop with a partner, don’t hog two tables to spread your papers around.It’s a form of theft.

7. Become a relationship anthropologist. Know the difference between a conversation and a discussion. A discussion involves issues or right vs. wrong; it is an exchange of facts, opinions and data. A conversation is an exploration of another person for the sole purpose of learning about them.

8. Be happy for others. The exact opposite of the word envy is farginen. It’s what happens when you celebrate others’ accomplishments as you would celebrate your own. Take a moment to absorb the spiritual beauty of this concept by viewing this video clip that explains Generosity of Spirit.

9. View all promises you made in 2009 as an unpaid debt. Promises imply trust, but trust is fragile. It’s like a Christmas tree ornament—one slip can shatter it. And we all know that once it’s shattered, it’s very difficult to restore.

10. Get rid of one of the biggest clutters in our lives: Grudges for real or imaginary slights. Raise the bar on your own behavior by forgiving and moving on.

11. Help others caress the rainbow. This means show them how to have hope. There is a tremendous positive psychological capital in us if we intentionally resolve to tap into it to help others.

12. Be conscious of how others feel about themselves when they are in your presence. We cannot control everyone liking us, but we can control how others feel when they interact with us. After spending time with you, do others feel better about themselves?

(For more tips on how to be a Mensch, see my book, The Leader as a Mensch: Become the Kind of Person Others Want to Follow)